Judgment is the function that our intuition performs to evaluate possible dangers and opportunities. It happens so automatically and subtly that it is almost impossible to control.
Being judgmental does more harm than good.
- It shuts our heart and mind to learning and understanding of the different perspectives and the vast knowledge of the universe.
- Judgment creates anger, envy and hatred and other negative emotions.
- It lessens our ability to connect deeply with others.
- Many mistakes in life actually happen because we are judgmental. You may think of a guy who is great-looking and gentle as someone you will want to spend the rest of your life with but you later on realize he’s not an honest person. He never shares your burden as a parent.
5 ways to become less judgmental
These techniques require a daily practice to get good at it. In fact, you should make them your habits.
Just like other things in life, there are days you do well and those it doesn’t go as well as you want.
Meditate
I find meditation very helpful to not jump to conclusion. It helps us be aware of our thoughts and sensations.
You should meditate every day. It does not have to take 60 minutes. In fact, start with just one minute. Or even just 3 deep breaths.
Calm is a great app if you want to get started yourself.
Improve your ability to do effortful thinking
We can’t stop our intuition. Don’t even try! What you can do instead is to improve your effortful thinking ability.
In other words, don’t rely on your gut feeling but learn to be critical of what you think of others.
There are exercises and activities out there. Of course, meditation.
Take deep breaths when you think negatively of someone
Ever notice yourself thinking negatively? Sometimes, you’d wonder why you did it. Other times, you’d get distracted and that wonderful moment of realization was gone.
Next time when you do, that will be wonderful for you to take a few deep breaths. If possible, close your eyes. Your thought could change immediately after that.
Do this daily affirmation…
“I am not judgmental and I am open to learning and understanding.”
Well, in fact, you can choose any affirmation that makes sense for you. It could be something like, I want to learn and understand so I will not be judgmental or anything along this line.
Daily affirmations are a great way to invite anything you desire to happen for you. It takes a lifetime of practice but, hey, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the very first step.
Ask “what if”
What if he’s not as good as I think he is.
What if I am wrong about him?
What if what he said was right.
This question could change the way we judge someone or something so you’ll probably want to make it your daily mantra.
None of these are easy. And you don’t have to do them all at once.
If you feel overwhelmed, just do this.
- Pick just one.
- Practice it daily.
- Begin by making it so small that you can’t not do it.
Feel free to reach out to me if you need guidance, support or just someone to hold you accountable.
Photo credit: Adi Goldstein, Amaury Gutierrez